Why is it that we think we deserve so much? Commuting to work everyday has really opened my eyes to the selfishness of our culture. Everything in America is geared for our self-gratification.
A couple of weeks ago, Mike talked about creating an idol out of ourselves, putting ourselves above everything else. This really is the core of our culture. Every issue, sin, wrongdoing can be tracked down to our wish for selfish gain.
In Donald Miller's book "Searching for God Knows What" he talks about how mad we get when we feel we are slighted. He uses the example of someone being cut off in traffic. We yell and curse and throw our hands (and fingers) up. Why? Because we feel that someone doesn't think we are important enough to respect. We think our time is more valuable than their time. Think about what kind of commotion can start over someone being disrespected. I mean, we should respect ourselves and each other, absolutely, but not at the cost of disrespecting God.
I see firsthand examples of this everyday. Yesterday, while sitting at a stop light, the left turn lane light turned green. Cars began to go, but one driver was not paying attention and didn't realize the light had turned green. Normally when this happens, horns blare and the yelling begins. But yesterday, I realized it was quiet. The driver behind the stopped car didn't do anything. He patiently waited for the man to realize the light was green. When the man finally did, they both missed the light and had to wait longer. I couldn't believe it. The man didn't even appear frustrated or agitated.
Then, this morning, I watched a car get stuck behind a Metrobus. Usually, you see the look on people's faces when they get stuck behind one of those and it stops. People cut off other people trying to whiz around the bus and you see them impatiently checking their mirrors for a chance to merge. This car, however, waited for the passengers to board and even when traffic stopped coming in the passing lane did not merge over. I looked to see if he had broken down, or was waiting for someone. He wasn't. He was just patient.
The thing is, both of these men were Hispanic. I am in no way trying to make cultural stereotypes, but I honestly saw a connection. An American like me would have lost my cool within 10 seconds of either one of these situations. I feel like I almost lost it just WATCHING them. Our culture just feeds our appetite for ourselves and what we think we deserve.
I see this influence infiltrating my own life. In this good yet frustrating season of life called "engagement", I am constantly battling ideas of what I think I deserve. What should Drew give me? What should he do for me? What am I gaining from this relationship? Me, me, me. I know that Christian "I'm-so-selfish-and-a-sinner" pleas can get annoying and can actually stem from wrong motives and maybe mine does, but I still see it. Drew and I are trying to come to an understanding that neither of us deserve the other or what the other has to give. We need to cut each other some slack and stop acting like we deserve things. And it's so hard because that's what we are programmed to think.
The thing I find so fascinating about this too is our culture's obsession with love and being in love. It has absolutely influenced my thinking about love and relationships; I have definitely had to burst some of those fairytale ideals in favor of real love. "In love" for our culture is still about us. Who will give me this feeling of "in love"? Who will sustain me and support me? Who will stick by me? Some of it may be valid, but it's been twisted by clever hands.
1 Corinthians 13 comes to mind quite often these days. What love is. All of love's characteristics as described here go against what culture has taught me about love. It is patient, kind, not jealous, proud, rude or self-seeking; it does not get angry easily and doesn't hold grudges or keep a record of any wrongs. All these things go against me. They are real and they are hard. But they are things I desire to learn. If there is anything I have learned from a diamond ring, it is that. Love is being all those things to someone who does not deserve it, knowing that you don't deserve it even more.
Drew and I have been discussing what to put on the inside of our wedding bands. I think we have decided on "Love never fails". If you think about it, real love never does. Not the sappy movie kind, but the in-your-face, gritty, difficult kind of love. Jesus said to love one another. I think that encompasses being patient with the driver in front of you and giving your husband a backrub to dying for a stranger.
God, help me to see past the veil of my culture and find real love to find real life.
